Matthew 6:12, "And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors." The first time I had a light bulb experience with this gold mine, it messed me up! I began to dig and dig because my mind was blown away by the reality of the prayer. In the light, the realization came: to the extent that I forgive those who have wronged me, I will be forgiven by those I have wronged. Now I wasn't sure exactly how much debt I had accumulated in wronging others, but I knew I didn't have a clean slate. And what about all those I had wronged unknowingly? I couldn't chance it. I needed to forgive everyone for everything! It was like cleaning the basement--a lot of cobwebs looming over the old hurts, wounds, and offenses of people who had wronged me. It was easy to see the new ones. They had not accumulated as much dust. There were boxes, current and reoccurring hurts, waiting to be put on the shelf. When I looked in the basement of my mind at all the wounds, I couldn't believe how many people I had kept in bondage because I didn't have the understanding of knowing what to do with the hurt. Through this scripture, I began to realize how many relationships had been ruined because I didn't know how to restore the relationship. It wasn't that I didn't know things should not have turned out the way they did, but I didn't know how to bring reconciliation.
When we have an offense, a hurt, or wound caused by someone, it is our responsibility to operate in the ministry of reconciliation. This ministry is not something we can do in our own power. It takes everything in us that is like God, as well as spending time with our Father, to get what we need to follow through with the ministry of reconciliation. When we can get real with God about the hurt, betrayal, and unbelief concerning how this could have happened, He can get real with us. He listens very carefully. If we remain long enough, He will empower us to forgive, not by our own power, but by His love flowing through us. We don't have enough love to forgive all the people who have hurt us. But God does. We release the outcome of the offense to Him and He loves us more. It is a transfer. We no longer hold the offense because we have given it to Him when we received His love for us. At that moment, His love becomes the healing balm to the hurt. Then He loves us even more and the overflow is what give us the ability to forgive someone before they ask to be forgiven or even know they have wronged us. The offense created between us has been healed and a miracle takes place.
True healing is when even the scar is gone and there is no reminder of the hurt, the offense. We can thing of them or encounter them without any feelings attached to the event, even to the point of not remembering what happened. I know, it sounds too good to be true. But it is a miracle of the heart and mind. I am a living testimony to the ability of God's love. Every time I go to Him first when I have been wronged, He does a miracle in my life. The reason we have to go to Him first is because the more people we involve, the harder it is to forgive, because we end up rehearsing ourselves into a tizzy or rage over and over again. Rehearsing the wrong re-enforces the grip of the offense in our mind and makes it even that much more difficult to forgive, even if they come seeking forgiveness. It also makes it difficult to "save face" and be restored because of all those we have involved. Everyone who has been told will want an explanation. Many will be resistant to the reconciliation. It felt good when we were telling everyone about the wrong because we wanted justification for our hurt, but after reconciliation, the ones we told don't know what to do with the scar we gave them when we sought their loyalty in the offense. We owe them an apology as well--thanking them for listening, but admitting our wrong when we included them in the offense. We may have thought we were seeking them for healing, however, when we want to be healed we have to go to God. The power of God's love is the only thing that breaks the cycle of hurt people hurting people. His love causes people who are hurt to help those who have hurt them through the power of forgiveness.
The power tool of God's forgiveness is operated by one who embraces God's love for themselves. When we receive forgiveness we have been shown how to forgive. Through God's example, we can forgive as well. Many times I will pray, releasing the individual from what they have done to me and even to others they have shared the offense with. It is easy for me to pick up an offense for someone else. I didn't get the nickname Mama Bear for nothing. I would not always be there. They needed the Father. People would come and I would turn them toward the presence of God that they, too, would receive their healing. As much as I wanted to protect and defend the hurt, my Father wanted to reveal Himself as their protector and defender. He would always be with them (Deuteronomy 31:6,8). It is His place to complete the work of His love in their life. Once we have received our Father's love, we are able to ask the Holy Spirit to erase the memory of the offense.
Sometimes the healing is immediate, and yet there are times when the healing comes in a few months. The litmus test to know if we truly used the power tool of forgiveness comes when we see them again. When we respond with putting distance between them and us, then we have not received the overflow of God's love for them. When we avoid them, have nothing to say, or we feel the hurt and anger build, it can only mean one thing: we need more time in God's presence, saturated by His love.
Some offenses cut very deep, or have been going on for years, so it may take more than one time in the presence of God. But don't give up on God; He has what we need. When we know God has our best interest in mind, we can trust Him to take care of the problem (Philippians 1:6; Jeremiah 29:11, 33:3). When we have the Father's perspective, we have the ability to embrace His ways, giving us the opportunity to love beyond reason (Jeremiah 31:3, 1 Thessalonians 2:12).
Forgiveness does not depend on our ability to be strong or see how much pain we can take; forgiveness depends upon our relationship with the Father. I used to be trapped, thinking it was a matter of my strength, carrying my hurts everywhere I went. Receiving and applying the understanding of the miracle of forgiveness, I was no longer a prisoner shackled by bitterness and hate. Through the love of the Father, I receive the power tool of forgiveness and am able to turn the tide of division back into the sea. When I have forgiven the one who has caused so much pain, I am able to rescue them from the undertow of the tide.
The power tool of forgiveness is amazing. Through the proper use of releasing God's love, it begins to erase, healing the hurt and giving us the ability to love those who have set themselves up to be our enemy. Matthew 5:43-45 says, "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy, But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven." It is not possible in our power to love our enemies, but in Christ, through God, He makes this possible (Luke 18:27; Matthew 17:20).
Now let's flip the coin to see how we handle using the power tool of forgiveness when we have caused the hurt, offending another. In Matthew 6:12, Jesus is talking about more than money. Most of us understand that we do not want to have debt; we want to have money in our bank account. Any offense causes a debt in our relationship with another and it can only become a credit when we settle accounts His way. His way is not through buying a gift, baking a cake, sending flowers, or masking the offense by falsely being nice the next time we see them. His way of settling accounts is using the power tool of forgiveness.
One time I was so mad at what someone had done that I went to the Father and, boy, I told Him everything! He surely didn't know what they had just done to me or He would have send down fire upon their head. So I made sure He knew the entire situation and my perception of why they did it, who they had involved, what they were doing right now, and anyone else I thought they would tell. This was a sight to see! If my neighbors had known what was going on they would have had their faces pressed to the window. But God was so gracious. He let me go on and on. He let me come to the end of myself. Then He began fathering me. As His love saturated my being, He revealed that I was at fault. What? I was most surely not at fault! They did....but He reminded me that the way I responded only fueled the fire of their wrong instead of putting the fire out.
When believers operate with the power tool of forgiveness, we respond as firemen, not arsonists. Here He began to reveal the other side of the coin, my part in the offense. If I behaved more like my Father, I would have calmly responded and brought complete reconciliation at that moment. As His daughter He wanted me to turn the tide of what the enemy used to cause division and instead lay hold of the God-opportunity to unite His people. As His daughter, I received my spanking and began at that point to learn how to turn this tide, the tide of offense that kills so many relationships.
God went on to reveal another nugget in the gold mine: the kingdom we stand united with is the kingdom we will serve. If we stand united with an offense then we stand with the enemy as slaves to his destruction of our lives and destiny. When we stand united to the ways of God as our King, the enemy cannot prevail against us on
any battlefield. No force is greater than the united force of the Lord of hosts and His warriors. We are called to be tide-turners and rescue those who are caught in the undertow of divisiveness. God has given us the responsibility of operating in the ministry of reconciliation. Through Jesus Christ, we have been shown how. Therefore it is available to those who will receive and extend the ministry of reconciliation. We can because He did! We have a choice to make. Will we chose to follow God's way of conflict resolution, creating the opportunity to advance the kingdom of God in our lives and the lives of those around us, or will we choose to follow our ways, leading to death in every area of our lives and seeping destruction into the lives of those around us? God's warriors are firemen.
As first I put Matthew 6:12 and "the ministry of reconciliation" into action because I wanted to be forgiven. Quickly, I realized how wrong I had been to hold others captive to their wrong toward me. Some of them didn't even know they had wronged me, but I had felt a right to keep a record of their wrong in my basement. Because I was unable to forgive others, I was unable to receive forgiveness from the Father (Matthew6:14-15). I had wondered why, when I had sought to be forgiven by others, it didn't seem to bring the kingdom principle of reconciliation. The ministry of reconciliation means the relationship is better than it was before the offense occurred. Even though I had been forgiven by God through the blood of Jesus Christ, I was still responsible for the wrong I had done.
In
most cases there is not one person who is 100 percent to blame for the problem. We like to think it is always the other person who has done us wrong;
they are the ones who need to apologize. However, if we really want the truth, God will reveal the truth. Many times it is a misunderstanding of expectations, or responding based on former unhealed hurts. It is normal to defend ourselves in the midst of the accusations hurled at us rather than seek the solution to the problem. However, this should not be the norm for those in Christ Jesus.
The next nugget in the gold mine of forgiveness; we can be 100 percent right and 100 percent wrong at the same time. We may be 100 percent right with the facts; however, biblically speaking, facts aren't everything. We are 100 percent wrong when we base the outcome on an individual rather than working for a solution to the problem. Rather than working together to resolve the problem, we begin to point the finger, looking for someone to be held responsible. This is where we are 100 percent wrong. The only reason anyone would need to backtrack to find where the error was made is if they want to consider how they could have eliminated the fire before the offense took place.
We can be 100 percent right in what we are saying and still be 100 percent wrong in how we said it. How we say things reveals our heart. Not only do we need to speak the truth, but it needs to be in love, from a heart that cares for the individual (Ephesians 4:12). Truth is not a sword to kill or control, but a truth is to set us free (John 8:32). In Hebrews 4:12, the Word of God is to rightly divide, not to gouge and kill. We need more than the truth to bring reconciliation. We need the heart of God for them. We need to care about how the truth is going to affect them.
Along with truth in love, we need God's timing. Waiting too long does just as much damage as not waiting at all. When we wait too long, people have a longer road to recovery. Not waiting enough normally means we haven't given enough time for God to put love in us, thereby creating another explosion. We walk away wondering
what happened! I was ready to make things right? Knowing God's timing means knowing His voice.
We are responsible for being ready to reconcile when He says it is time. One time he woke me up in the middle of the night, telling me to go meet someone at the end of their work shift. Another time, He told me to call the individual for a meeting. There have been times when He said, "Turn around and make this right or the enemy will get a foothold." He knows the perfect time to reconcile. We must be bold enough to humble ourselves and make things right, taking full responsibility for our part, no matter what the percentage. We may be only five percent wrong, but we must take ownership of that five percent and remain humbled under any further accusations hurtled.
Forgiveness is not a matter of whether we can or can't it is a matter of whether we will or won't. Forgiveness is a choice. We choose to forgive or we choose not to forgive, but forgiveness is always a choice. Whether they ask to be forgiven or not, it is our responsibility to forgive them immediately. The ministry of reconciliation truly is a miracle, a miracle of forgiveness, leading to unity. Now we must do what is impossible by man's strength, but possible in God's strength--we must humble ourselves before the one with whom we have conflict with.
It had come to the point where I had done enough digging in the gold mine of forgiveness. I had the knowledge and it was time to put it into action. I was nervous as He revealed who I needed to call, one of the biggest boxes in my basement. This box had written on it, "You have a right to everything you did to her because of what she did to you." I realized those words had come from the enemy and I had bought them hook, line and sinker. She did not live in the same state, so I couldn't go in person. But I had to make a call. At the beginning of the conversation, I asked her to forgive me for specific things I had said and done to her. When I had finished apologizing for all I had remembered, she said, "What about this?" "What about when you did that?" She rattled off several other things so fast that I was stunned, but I apologized for each one individually. The Gatling gun continued as she listed more of my wrongs. I was hurt at the petty stuff I had done, thinking it was okay because of what she had done to me. I had justified my wrongs. With this new understanding of forgiveness, I knew what my Father wanted me to do. Even though I could feel my face getting red and my voice wanting to be strained, I rejected my pride and humbled myself by apologizing for everything she remembered. Even under fire, I never brought up the wrongs she had done to me. God had been my strength.
Then I asked to be forgiven. She paused. I couldn't tell if she was loading the Gatling gun or if she didn't know how to respond.
I continued, "I truly am sorry for everything I have done that has caused you such pain. One day I hope you will be able to forgive me. I would like to say that I will never do anything again to hurt you, but I can only say that God is doing a work in me and He promises to complete the work He has begun. I was wrong for all the hurt I caused you."
She spoke words of forgiveness and I was thankful. However, I knew trust had been violated and my change would be challenged in the future. I got off the phone a bit mad at being put in front of the Gatling gun, but quickly heartbroken that I had caused her so much pain evident by her readied list of my wrongs. I never realized until then how bound a person can be when they do not forgive another. I had not remembered even half of what she remembered. Her willingness to forgive me when the offense occurred had begun a root of bitterness inside of her that not only put shackles on me, but affected her relationship with others. I prayed she would believe God would work in others who had offended her and forgive them even if they never asked to be forgiven. She couldn't see how much life was being stolen from her because of her inability to forgive others. The miracle of reconciliation sets us free from the bondage of bitterness.
Now, let's look at the instructions to the power tool to forgiveness. We are
not justifying our former words or actions toward them. It is not our place to expect them to be ready to take responsibility for their part just because we are ready to take responsibility for ours. We cannot go to them with the intentions of making them understand how they have wronged us. We are there to take responsibility for our words and our actions.
There are some keys to reconciliation. The first key begins by saying, "I am sorry for....."
We fill in exactly what
we are apologizing for. They want to know if we know that what we did was wrong. Without delay, follow by saying: "I am wrong because....."
We take responsibility for the pain
we have caused them because of our words and our actions. This is the next key to unlocking their hurt, because they want us to take responsibility for the pain we have caused them. Quickly follow with, "Will you forgive me for....." The third key can seem like a combination of the first two, but it is us handing them the key that they set them free from further bitterness, hurt, and anger from the offense. We cannot make them turn the key, but we can give it to them. In Christ, we can remain humble, without being provoked to anger or pointing our finger.
For a person's healing and our release, ask them if they can say the words, "I forgive you," even if they can't say what they forgive you for. If the hurt has gone on for years, or it is deeper than we realize, we cannot force them to forgive us. Therefore, we offer the final key. When they can't say the words, "I forgive you," it is important to respond, "I can see what I have done has hurt you deeply. I hope at some point you will be able to forgive me. Thank you for listening." We are
not responsible for them forgiving us; we are responsible for what we have done. In seeking their forgiveness we open the door for the Father's love to be expressed.
The ministry of reconciliation makes relationships stronger than they were before the offense. When an offense has happened, it is as if someone has broken a bone in our body. When we go to God, He assesses the situation, sets the bond, and begins casting. Once the bone is set correctly, and isolated until the bone grows together, the cast can be taken off. But now the muscles are weak. We need to go through the pain of developing those muscles. It is time to work the muscle of humility and brotherly kindness. When we have genuinely sought forgiveness taking responsibility for our part, and work through the forgiveness process with them, the physical therapy is complete. Here is the awesome part of the illustration. When a bone has been broken, reset properly, and physical therapy has been followed, the bone and muscle will be stronger than they were originally. When a break has been made in a relationship, we are not to bail, but to seek our God of reconciliation in such a way that the relationship is better than it was before.
One evening I was working late when someone came to my office to run me up one side and down another. I was a little shocked at all they were spewing forth. I began to take notes. Since I was the captive audience, I was blamed for everything. They went from one thing to another, mixing events and people involved. I took the heat and listened without interruption. When they took a break, I asked if there was anything else. They paused and the Gatling gun began to fire. I filled in details under some of the other topics that were formerly brought up. They paused and I asked again if there was anything else. After shooting another round, they sat down. I was not smug or enraged by the accusations. It was a total God thing. I asked if I could get clarification on what had been shared. We did come across some legitimate complaints. I went ahead and sought their forgiveness. But then there were the ones that we unfounded. It was difficult to take responsibility and apologize for something I knew I didn't do, but because that is what they perceived, I humbled myself, owning up to the fault being mine. Whether we like it or not, we are responsible for how people perceive our actions and words.
Four hours later, reconciliation was achieved. Hallelujah! It was difficult to remain calm at times when they were provoking me to get into an argument. However, God had already revealed another nugget in my gold mine: when a discussion gets to an argument, both people have lost and the enemy is celebrating his victory. I apologized without making them apologize for all the areas in which they falsely accused me. A couple of years later this person was in serious trouble and called me. It took several weeks of my time, but God was so good to give me the privilege to walk them out of their sin. I know I was able to be used because of how I responded the night they came and blasted me.
An enhancement to the four keys of forgiveness is to humble even our posture before them. It is easier to remember my place and purpose--to humble myself and honor them--when I find a seat lower than them. However, I have found that being seated at the table is the absolute best. Standing makes it too easy to shortcut the process, make a light of the offense, or go for the jugular and walk out. Reconciliation works through the pain and awkwardness of an offense because we love others as God does. As I shared earlier, timing is huge! For me, three days is the maximum. I do whatever I have to do to get healed from the hurt and release the anger within those three days. If I can't think about the event without getting upset, then I am not ready to reconcile. I know that if I were to go to them to seek forgiveness it wouldn't take much for them to provoke me into saying somethings I didn't want to say or play the blame game. However, if God can't heal me in three days, I have a bigger problem than what happened with the individual. Remember, forgiveness is a choice. It is a matter of our wanting to. One time I was sharing with the Lord and told Him, "I don't want to...." He returned with His rod of discipline and said, "Then get your want to in the right place." God is my Father and He is right. Discussion was over and I was at a crossroads. Would I continue with the Lord or would I turn back to follow my own desires?
Nobody likes to be disciplined, but when we acknowledge God as our Father we become His children to teach, train, and disciple through His love. He desires for us to live as reconcilers. As reconcilers, we are to rescue others from the undertow of bitterness. God's love is for us to unite under His leadership to advance His kingdom as we dislodge the enemy. Ephesians 4:26-28 says,
"Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your
wrath, nor give place to the devil. Let him who stole steal no
longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what
is good, that he may have something to give him who has need."
Be angry at the devil, but love the one who is imprisoned by his lies. God desires for us to live differently because we have received His love that sets us free. Let's pray.
PRAYER LAUNCH
Father, You have been so good to reveal how to use Your power tool of forgiveness and be reconciled to those I have hurt and those who have hurt me. Father, I admit I know the right things to do, but it is not easy. I confess my real issue is not with the person who has hurt me, even the ones who continue to hurt me, but it is in believing that by extending forgiveness, their life will change according to Your plan. Forgive me for not trusting You to make good on my actions of forgiveness. Forgive me for not wanting to extend forgiveness, the ultimate power of Your love. I realize just like the wicked servant that I have released the tormentors into my life by receiving Your free gift of forgiveness and not extending it to others (Matthew 18:27-35). As I live with the power tool of forgiveness in the ministry of reconciliation, I join Your warriors in setting the captives free.
Father, I have been a prisoner of the hurts I have stored in my basement. I stored so many hurts. I knew I needed to forgive, but part of me didn't want to and the other part didn't know how to get complete healing. Forgive me for trying to live with these hurts. It is no badge of honor to wear these wounds. It only reveals how little I know of Your love. Your love brings freedom, not bondage. Father, I ask now for You to come with me to my basement. I can't forgive these people and all they have done in my own strength. I need Your heart for them. We are sinners saved by grace, but we must live by love. Without Your love, we continue to hurt each other.
Father, as we open each box, I ask for You to help me verbalize forgiveness toward each person who has hurt me. Forgive me, Father, for thinking I was so right and had to protect myself from being hurt again.
I bless my ability to trust You at all times, even with those who have hurt me over and over again. I bless my mind to release them from the wrong they have done to me. I bless the Spirit of God within me to pour out forgiveness to all those who have hurt me and to erase the hurt from my mind. I release Your compassion to be extended to me and overflow in my life to all those around me.
You wanted me to be healed from the hurts long ago. Thank you for coming to my rescue, and for giving me understanding of the ministry of reconciliation and the love I need to become whole and healed again. Thank you for giving me the love I need to open each box and love the person inside through the miracle of forgiveness.
I want to extend to others all that You have extended to me, the power of Your compassion, peace, love, and joy; Your longsuffering, kindness, and goodness; Your faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Father, I want access to Your power that will change my life forever, and the lives of those around me. I bless my determination to reach and touch Your cloak that I might draw virtue to heal my body, soul, and spirit, so that I will have more than enough to release to others. Teach me to put out the fire rather than fuel it. Teach me to turn the tide of offense as well as rescue those destroying the lives of others.
Father, You are so great. I may fall on my face but I never want to stop getting into Your presence (Proverbs 24:16). I bind the enemy who seeks to fill my basement with offense. I lose the truth of Your love that gives me the courage to forgive, the courage to care more about the person than who is at fault. I bless my life with Your grace and love toward each person who is hurt and who is hurting others. I bless my mind to fully understand and operate in the miracle of forgiveness in the ministry of reconciliation. I seek You so that I remain humble before You and others. I trust You to defend me, making things right, and let the truth be revealed. I trust You to guide me into righteousness. I bless my heart and mind to be set on living my life to love You and Your people. Right now I release forgiveness to everyone who has hurt me. I bless them to know Your kindness in Jesus' name. Amen!
